The Hassled High Schooler’s Horoscope: December/January

Winter break is almost here, and with it comes the final stretch before the end of the semester in January. Looking for some advice to get you past these tough times? Look no further than this horoscope, you’ll find all the advice you need to push through.

Disclaimer: this horoscope was not reviewed by an actual astrologist, so take all advice with a pinch or two of salt.

Aries: March 21-April 19

Cha-ching! Money is in the stars for you, Aries! Maybe you’ve been winning bets lately, or finding coins heads-up on the ground. The stars see good luck and fortune for you these next two months, so make as many bets as you can with everyone. Confront this opportunity head-on like you always do, Aries, and maybe you’ll be able to afford more than just instant ramen for every meal.

Taurus: April 20-May 20

This December is all about relationships for you, Taurus. No, not romantically (you’ll probably be single forever) but focus on your platonic relationships. Maybe your best friend just failed a math test — sure you might want to laugh, but save it for later. Be meaningful with your connections these next two months, Taurus, stars know your friends have just about had enough of you.

Gemini: May 21-June 20

Look at you being all productive, Gemini! You’re really getting into your groove with things. Maybe you’ve been on top of your schoolwork, or your chores, or whatever else your parents are nagging you about. Ride this wave, Gemini, and maybe you won’t have to burn your next report card in secret again. 

Cancer: June 21-July 22

Love is in the air this January, Cancer! That could just be the paint fumes though, since you’ve been working on your artistic pursuits as well. Pinterest is your new best friend for inspiration, along with a new love interest suggested by the stars. Good luck, Cancer, and don’t forget to be your weird and artsy self!

Leo: July 23-August 22

For once, Leo, it’s time to chill out. Nostalgia is a big theme this month (but please don’t bring back that awful outfit you wore two years ago — you know the one I’m talking about). Cozy up with a cup of tea — don’t spill it like last time — and just enjoy taking a break. Come out of your hermit hole whenever you’re ready, Leo!

Virgo: August 23-September 22

I’m just going to give it to you straight, Virgo — stop procrastinating! I see you eyeing that pile of homework, better start it now. Trust me, you’ve been putting that assignment off for 2 weeks but it’ll only take around 20 minutes. No matter how difficult it might feel to start these tasks, Virgo, just know that as soon as you’re done you’ll feel much better until your next assignment rolls in.

Libra: September 23-October 22

I see you getting that bag, Libra! You’re going to be using your money smarts a lot this December, no more spending all your allowance on things you think you need but don’t. You’ll be moving forward and making plans for the future – it could be as big as a new job application, or maybe just deciding where to order food from. Whatever it is, Libra, let the stars guide you in the right direction: up!

Scorpio: October 23-November 21

Yass! Scorpio, it’s your time to shine. You’ll be feeling optimistic these next two months, and nothing can get in your way — even that one embarrassing thing you did last week. You’ll find confidence in new situations, and making friends will be a breeze with your new confident vibe. Keep that positive attitude, Scorpio, you might find that you like it.

Sagittarius: November 22-December 21

What have you been dreaming about lately, Sagittarius? This January focuses on rest for you, and taking time for yourself. No, really, it’s a better time than ever to relax, and maybe having your head in the clouds will be comforting for a bit. Just don’t forget to come down to earth once or twice, Sagittarius, we can’t have you burning the house down because you were on autopilot!

Capricorn: December 22-January 20

The stars see a connection this December for you, Capricorn! You’re going to be finding a lot of your people, ones who share the same strange interests and unpopular opinions. Maybe there’s even a close friendship in the works! The future is a big theme for January as well. Focus on building those relationships for the future, Capricorn, and you won’t need to care about what’s already behind you.

Aquarius: January 21-February 18

Change is coming, Aquarius! You may have felt bored lately, but never fear, there are plenty of new things in the works for you. Maybe it’s finally heaving your grades out of the ocean (below C level, hehe). It could also be something involving your reputation and career, so be sure to take hold of any new opportunities that come your way this January. Bring it on, Aquarius, things are under your control!

Pisces: February 19-March 20

Time to get the ball rolling, Pisces! You may have been waiting for a certain spark of inspiration to set off all your new ideas, and here it is. You have no excuses now to keep procrastinating that project, so quit lying to yourself and saying you don’t have time when in reality you’re just scrolling on your phone for hours. You’re going to be busy a lot this December, Pisces, but it’s nothing you can’t handle!

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